biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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