i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
