All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
