I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
