You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
