i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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