I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
