Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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