Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think i have two assholes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
