Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
