All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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