In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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