i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
