you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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