i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
