it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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