That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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