I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
