I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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