when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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