i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
