Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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