We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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