the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
