omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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