I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
