I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I checked into jail on foursquare
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
