he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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