Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
