We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
