woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
