If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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