I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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