I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
