you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
