where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
