I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
