i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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