i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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