you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
