the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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