Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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