wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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