Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
