All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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