we have pet lesbian snakes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
