Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She announced her abortion via fbk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
