your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
