I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
should my penis look like a turkey
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
