I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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