I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just found puke in my bra..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
